walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
