Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
