So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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