You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
