I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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