I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
