i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
