remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
