It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
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