Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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