Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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