So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is Oprah even human
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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