You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
