I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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