i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
