he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
