dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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