my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
