i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
BRING THE BAGELS
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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