I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
