Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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