I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
