It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This baby is an asshole
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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