FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
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When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
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I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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