Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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