Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
