i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
