Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize