I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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