But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
