she woke up with a sticky ear
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My feet surprised me
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
