We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
