you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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