maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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