K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
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dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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