i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.