his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.