yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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