Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.