Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober