why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.