woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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