i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER