I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
