You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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