Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
