he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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