my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
