my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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