My pussy is not your playground.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just invented taco cereal.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
