Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
