I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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