I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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