you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
