Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
