Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
