So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
