arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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