Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
