mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
