i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
