I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
And then he peed in my hair
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