you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
