Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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