Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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