That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
